Month: December 2016

Mouse Problem

“Did I tell you we have a mouse problem in my dorm?” Drake asked as he searched the refrigerator for anything that didn’t resemble cafeteria food.

“No,” I said. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah,” he said, gathering the ingredients for nachos on the counter. “We’ve caught six in our room.”

“Really? Did you have to buy mouse traps?”

“Some. And also, I just catch them.”

“You catch the mice?”

“We’ve caught some in traps, but I’ve caught some too. Like the other day, Tim and I were sitting in the room, and I looked at my laptop case and a mouse was sitting on top of it. So I chased him and caught him.”

“Then how did you get rid of it?”

“I killed it with a shoe.”

College is making him grow up so fast.

Republicans

“When people get here tonight do you think they will knock on the door or just walk on in?” Emery asked as we slid the last pizza into the oven.

“I assume they will probably knock on the door,” I answered.

“Have you noticed that people knock here, but when we lived in Des Moines people just walked in?”

“I haven’t thought about it,” I said as I set the timer for six minutes.emery-w-flowers-in-her-hair

“I think it’s the republicans.”

I blinked at her. Because… what?

“In Des Moines, there are a lot of democrats. Here, there are a lot of republicans,” Emery explained as she washed pizza dough off of the rolling-pin.

“Yes,” I said. “Door knocking is a very overlooked difference between those two groups.”

“Exactly.”

So, we’ve cleared that up.

 

Prison Name

“I think this is your dog,” said the man standing on my front porch. “He was wandering around the front yard.”

“Zuko!” I said, surprised. “He must have snuck under our fence.” After thanking the neighbor, I walked around my backyard and discovered an enormous escape hole and the absence of Kona, my daughter’s dog who I was dog sitting.

“Emery,” I asked, “while I finish cooking supper, will you drive around the neighborhood and see if you can find Kona?”

Ten minutes later, Emery ran into the kitchen with tears streaming down her cheeks. “Kona is in jail!” she sobbed.

“What?”

“Kona and Zuko bit a little dog, and the animal control came and put Kona in the truck with bars!”kona-in-jail

Half an hour later, Dan from Animal Control was standing in my driveway explaining that the two dogs were under quarantine for eleven days.

Here is some interesting information: when your dog is in quarantine, he has to literally be inside his house at all times. He cannot go for a walk. He cannot even play in his own yard. He must be on a leash for a quick visit to the bathroom (back yard), and then immediately return to his house. Then, on the eleventh day, he must go to the vet to have a physical to verify that he is healthy.

Makenna showed up to rescue Kona from the clink just as Dan was giving me two tickets, one for each dog, and setting up a court date. “You’ll need to appear before the judge, and you’ll be told the total cost at that time,” he said. “The worse case scenario is a $500 dollar fine on each dog and six months in prison for you as the responsible party.”

“Can I survive in prison for six months?” I asked Mike as Dan drove away.

“Not a chance,” he said.

“I wonder what my prison name will be.”

And I never finished making supper that night.