In an attempt to make me a safer driver, some man, who is probably a wizard, performed a kind of magic which caused my phone and my car to meld. I cannot explain how this works. What I know is that my phone should remain in my purse and at no time will I need to look at it while driving. Instead, I can speak to my car, and my desire will be done.
I always seem to remember important things while driving, so it was no surprise that I thought of a question I needed to ask Drake as I swerved in and out of traffic on the freeway. Remembering the instructions the wizard gave me, I pushed the button on my steering wheel that looks like a phone from the 1950’s and no phone in existence today, and said, “Call Drake.” The car, or my phone, I’ll never know which, responded by saying, “Calling Drake Fire Blast.” Drake Fire Blast did not answer the phone, which was good because I was so confused, and so excited, I could not have remembered my question.
Why did my car/phone think Drake’s last name was Fire Blast? Relying on the scientific method, I decided to repeat the experiment.
“Call Emery,” I said to the windshield after pushing the 50’s phone button.
“Calling Emery Glowing Star,” car/phone said.
I quickly hung up so Emery Glowing Star would not answer the phone while in school, and I mused over this change in my kid’s last names all the way home. I pulled my car into the garage and investigated. Then I remembered.
Once upon a long time ago, I got a smart phone. I punched in the phone numbers of my friends and family, but it all looked so boring compared to how I felt about these people. So, I carefully considered what to do, and decided to add an emoji after each name. I chose a few and erased them when they didn’t look right and chose different ones. Finally, I looked with satisfaction at the screen of my “favorites” and saw that the pictures after the names looked right. It felt good.
So, my car/phone considers the emoji I selected seven years ago the last name.
“Call Makenna,” I said, excited to discover her last name.
“Calling Makenna Beating Heart,” I heard and quickly hung up.
“Calling Josiah Explosion.”
“Calling Mike Hot Springs.”